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True Crime is the newest video game adaptation to hit HTG theaters. It stars international superstar Chow Yun-Fat as LAPD detective Nick Kang and Sarah Michelle Gellar as Janice, a gun toting secretary seeking revenge. The film opens with Janice being hit on by her boss...whom we have to assume is a scumbag, since he grabs her ass in the opening scene and leers at her. She responds by blowing his head off and then taking the office hostage. Her demand: seven million dollars and a ride to Mexico . When Kang and his partner (throwaway character Steve Rylance) rush in to stop her-sans backup-Rylance is killed by another "shotgun bullet". When backup does arrive, Janice somehow...leaps (?) to safety from the window of the office and speeds off in her car. When Unnamed Backup Cop #1 makes a comment about it, Kang responds with a trite "Welcome To LA.*
Being from L.A. makes you completely indifferent to your partner's murder? This is Chow Yun-Fat, one of the most hand-wringingly melodramatic actors in the world (don't get me wrong...I'm a huge fan of his). He watches her gun down his partner and then makes a casual remark? Ummm...ok. Keep in mind all this happens before the opening credits even roll. What?
What? Without warning, Nick is then chasing a robber down the street when he literally runs into Masterson (Brian Cox). After insulting him and having a totally pointless conversation, Kang and the Tough Latina Chick go after drug smugglers in (You guessed it) Chinatown . Nick decides to "Shoot first and ask questions later" and sends his new partner to McDonald's to get something to eat. What? After killing a clerk with a chopstick to the ear after a totally flat fight scene, Kang faces Jimmy Wu, who carries a Katana. Ummm...These guys are chinese, right? Why is he carrying a Japanese sword? The Japanese and the Chinese have hated each other for centuries. Shouldn't he be carrying a dragon sword or a Sam Gee Kwan? What? Nevermind. I'm not going to recap anymore of this movie. Suffice to say, I was left wondering if it was a comedy or not, as it seems to have no plot, no character movtivation, no development...not even an appearance by Snoop Dogg to liven it up. I can't see Chow in this role, unless he recently became addicted to Crack and needed fast money. Ditto John Woo. Together they made several Hong Kong classics such as A Better Tomorrow, A Better Tomorrow 2, The Killer and Hard Boiled. Somehow they've been roped into making this thing and I doubt anyone can explain it. I'm guessing that the cast was shown a totally different script...or that the movie was edited by a kid with Down's Syndrome. I've never played the game this is based on...and now I never will. PLOT: 15/100 (There's a plot?) DIALOGUE: 20/100 (There were a few funny moments...) ACTION: 10/100 (Where?) CHARACTERS: 0/100 (Ummmm...no comment) PACING: 10/100 (Still no comment) CASTING: 35/100 (I think they were all drugged against their wills like on that episode of The X Files where...nevermind) ADVERTISING: 50/100 (Nice Poster) WRITING: 20/100 (This thing is LITTERED with mistakes and spelling errors) FINAL GRADE: 15/100...unless this is a comedy. True Crime: Streets of LA is the latest video game adaptation to hit HTG theaters by Pedro, who seems to have some kind of fetish writing Grand Theft Auto cheap knockoffs. This movie follows LAPD officer Nick Kang, whose partner Steve Rylance (that name sounds familiar) is blown away by femme fatale, Janice (Sarah Michelle Gellar). He then goes after her and a large drug cartel that just happen to be working together. To add fuel to the fire, one of his long time friends and mentor, Rafferty (Michael Madsen) is working for the man in charge of it. Hmmm. You would think that all these twists would make for a very entertaining, edge of your seat action movie. Well, it doesn’t. In fact, this was so painful to read that I barely finished it. First off, the dialogue is so blunt, so childish that I think a third grader could have written it. Don’t believe me? Here’s an example… Nick walks into his office and we see ROSIE VELASCO sitting down. Rose is in her late twenties – early thirties. She’s a tough Latino, who has seen a lot of trouble in her life, which has toughened her up. NICK ROSIE NICK That’s my name ROSIE NICK ROSIE Doesn’t that just grab you? Anyway, that may as well have been the climax because in this film all the scenes seem just thrown together, no emphasis was added to any certain scene to make it seem important. It got so boring in the theater; I just started watching the fourteen year old couples in front of me make out. The cast was so underutilized for what talents they could have brought it was almost insulting. Hell, Paris Hilton may be too good of an actress to play Janice. It’s a shame too because there was so much potential to this story. If I were any of the talents signed up for this movie I would fire my agent and go find the meaning of life before doing another film. Flip Brothers should either lose their license or issue an apology for putting this film out for other people to actually witness. It’s dangerous. I almost went blind from the rubbing alcohol I threw in my eyes to try to burn the memory out of my head. Score: 1/100 John Woo guarantees for high level action movies with enough fighting scenes to stay seated in the chair till the end of the movie. Take into account the charismatic actor Chow Yun Fat and you should expect your money for the ticket is well spend. This movie tells the story of a cop, Nick Kang (Chow Yun Fat), from a special division, E.O.D., of the police department. Besides having lost his most recent partner, he still has difficulties dealing with the loss of his father. Despite all his worries, his strategy is very single minded: take down those responsible for drug trafficking. As a wild dog, he rushes into criminal dens, takes the bad guys out with almost no effort and continues his quest for the answer surrounding his father’s death. Already with the first scene, blood sprays the walls and action is put in the highest gear. This pace is maintained throughout the movie. And although I am a favorite of character development, this high pace somehow fits the movie. It is the action that counts, and the director knows that very well and doesn’t take the risk of lowering the action in favor of character building. I think he made a very good choice in this. The director has a good feeling of the movie, never allowing the characters to become too serious about themselves. A lighthearted feeling, despite brains splattering action sequences, runs through all the scenes. The slightest excuse is necessary for a fight to commence and the bodies to be piled up. The world turns around Nick and with Chow Yun Fat playing him, this is never as annoying as Jean-Claude van Damme in Hard Target. Where Van Damme takes himself too serious, Chow Yun Fat uses self-mockery. Unfortunately, not everything of the movie is as good as the action. Canned dialogues are used, lacking in dynamics: NICK: Yeah I know but I still think that he was murdered CARY: Nick, you’ve got to stop doing this to yourself NICK: Yeah, I know. Do you want to get a drink? CARY: Yeah, I’d love a drink Another thing is the lack of personalities. Most of the bad guys seem to be rather stereotypical in both behaviour and respons to situation. Which, of course, might explain why Nick Kang is defeating them so easy in a fight. Also, the emotions of the characters are rather flat; They don’t really seem to suffer from self-guild, they don’t really seem to be angry. Chow’s reaction to the loss of his former partner is rather bleak and uncaring. If he had more emotion in this part, for example, the tension in a later scene, in which he confronts his partner’s killer, would have been more tense. Let the audience feel the emotions of the characters and they start living them themselves. The drive of the character and his actions will be more founded and understood. A last point I wish to make on the website. It lacked a page devoted to the cast. I’m better in remembering faces than names, and although I have no problems with Willem Dafoe or Chow Yun Fat, I just couldn’t put a face with Adam Baldwin (fortunately google helped me out there). To summarize, the movie will entertain you by the load of action, driven by the charismatic Chow Yun Fat. Expect no character development or deep emotions, though. The movie gave me the same feeling as I had watching John Woo’s Hard Target. Overall I give this movie 50/100 Suspension of disbelief is a necessary evil when it comes to films. There are times when you have to set aside your firm grasp on logic, pick up the nearest bag of pretzels, and enjoy the film for its sheer enjoyability. It’s done all the time, from science fiction films where we know aliens would never look human or speak with British accents, to action films where the hero becomes invincible once his shirt is ripped off. We just take these things in stride, and when a film can pull off suspension of disbelief, we don’t notice these flaws. TC:SoLA , unfortunately, had my belief so suspended that I needed a belt as well. And how can you trust a film that requires you to wear both suspenders and a belt? The problems arise in the very first scene. I’ll admit that I almost gave up on this film from the start on the basis of this first scene, but decided to persevere nonetheless. Janice Wilson (Sarah Michelle Gellar) is smoking in the L.A. office where she works. Her boss has no characterisation, and could be Verne Troyer for all we know. [clip] BOSS JANICE [/clip] Note that I use the words “Vincent Price” to censor out foul language, as opposed to the standard bleep. These first two lines set up my point, that being that this film has so much trouble suspending disbelief that merely keeping it from touching the floor would require the strength of every Greek god in existence. Every office I can think of (which is a lot more than I care for) institutes a No Smoking policy, and employees can have their contracts immediately terminated for a breach in this health and safety policy. If Janice has smoked in the office before, why is she still working there? Why is she even smoking at all? Oh, it relaxes her. This is her entire defence against being dismissed from the company. Relaxing outside isn’t relaxing enough; she has to relax in her office and irritate her fellow employees. Nameless Obnoxious Boss then pats Janice on the behind, despite her being seated at her desk. You’d think she’d at least slap him in the face, or threaten him with assault charges. Of course not; this is a John Woo film, so guns will likely be involved. It is here that the film’s weakest point comes through. An action film needs tight, clear scripting that lets us know exactly what it is we’re seeing. This scene especially demonstrates a near-total lack of this vital asset. [clip] He grabs Janice’s ass. She looks very uncomfortable as he walks off to his office. We hear some shots of guns going off as the Boss in his office. He exits his office and sees Janice with a shotgun in her hand. Many of the workers lie on the ground, dead. BOSS Janice shoots the Boss straight in the chest with the shotgun. JANICE [/clip] This raises several questions, none of which should have been raised to start with. Where did Janice get the shotgun from? Is she one of these L.A. office types that keep an entire armoury locked in their desks? Is this a continuation of the previous scene, or a new scene without a scene header? And, perhaps most importantly, is being told off for breaching health and safety regulations and being on the receiving end of some very minor sexual harassment really a believable excuse for her to bloodily murder everyone? With a shotgun? Cut to outside the office, 20 minutes hence. The scene header is marked INT., but the scene is outside. Go figure, it’s a John Woo film. Sometimes things get weird. We meet Nick Kang, who is played by Chow Yun Fat, and Steve. If this was a satire of action films, Steve would have one week until retirement. One lousy week. After some complaining from Nick about the lack of backup, and some ridiculously machismo comments from Steve, the two of them enter the office building. Reality check; crazy woman in a building killing hostages, large body-count already, and of the hundreds of cops in L.A. , the LAPD manages to send two officers. Two! They send that many for domestic disturbances. A lunatic with a shotgun in a building full of innocent civilians would have at least twenty, including negotiators, snipers and most likely a helicopter crew. But no, they send two. Yes, two! They walk into the lobby, which interestingly has cubicles full of dead bodies, but no reception desk like most lobbies have. They are shot at (with supposedly the only shotgun in existence that fires bullets, and only one at that) by Janice, who demands $7 million and a free trip to Mexico , or she will continue killing hostages. That’s right; for defying health regulations and copping some sexual harassment, she wants to be a millionaire with a free plane ticket. Steve complains to Nick about the lack of backup, which is not only implausibly stupid in the first place, but also insulting in that we are having irony forced down our throats like anvils covered in wholegrain mustard. Steve decides he’s going to sneak behind her, because it’s three minutes into the film and he hasn’t died yet. Nick, meanwhile, tries to talk Janice down. Janice calmly explains that she enjoys blowing off people’s heads, which is probably why she chose a desk job. She then shoots Steve in the back, because he was apparently sneaking up on her backwards. Steve gets his wish, and dies one lousy week before retirement. A bit of a shooting spree begins, and the cavalry finally arrives. A fire apparently begins, but we only realise this when the smoke from the fire begins. In the confusion, Janice leaps out of a window, gets in her car, and drives away. That’s right, drives away. You’d think, in a situation like this, the building would be surrounded, with guns aimed at every exit point. However, logic fails here, and Janice escapes in perhaps one of the worst beginnings to a film I’ve seen. One officer (perhaps noting the complete ineptitude of his fellow officers) exclaims that this isn’t something one sees every day. This is good, as if this happened every day, L.A. would be like Baghdad , but with movie stars. And this is only four minutes into the film. Some films are bad. Some films are very bad. And some films are Uwe Boll films. True Crime: Streets of L.A. is a rarity, a film that makes Uwe Boll look like Martin Scorcese. The dialogue is forced, the pacing is messy, the plot is ridiculous, and my sense of disbelief, usually stronger than a fridge door, was completely destroyed. 1/100 True Crime: Street of LA is a movie using the concept of the game, starring Chow Yun Fat as Nick Kang, Sarah Michelle Gellar as Janice, Michelle Rodriguez as Rosie and Willem Dafoe as Rocky.Nick Kang (Chow Yun Fat) is an officer in the E.O.D (Elite Operations Division) with some attitude and the movie is kinda filled with vulgarity, so the rating for this movie might be for teens and others above, parents will not let their kids of 8 year old to turn bad would they? Ok back to the movie, in the start, we see Nick's partner being killed yet Nick is not saddened by that , maybe he has already lost a lot more partners,but I think it will be best if they have more emotions placed in Nick. Nick has been seeing Ancient Wu more frequently this few days and he thought it was only a fake....but later on there is a new partner Rosie(Michelle Rodriguez)she looked tough and kinda disliked Nick's crazy actions. Nick had a brother(Cary)who later on was capture by Rocky, Most of the time Nick is solving crimes and chasing criminals, not much of a story but if you do like action it a good show to be seen. Whats Cool? There is lots of gun fights, kinda violent though.What's more is there is story plots that is really interesting.Questions are asked,who killed Nick's dad,Who is ancient wu?, what is Nick's background, Whos Rocky? Well the only answer to it is watch the movie , i do not want to give out spoiler and of course you can have most of your answer answered after u watched it. Whats Hot? Actoress Michelle Rodriguez looks tough and Sarah Michelle Gellar she is just a borned beauty, People pay the ticket just to see them both, in the movie , Sarah acted as a very violent girl but she still look so pretty and so hot when she is in the hotel scene : INT. A HOTEL ROOM. NIGHT. Janice is in a hotel room. She is heavily making out with another man. She starts to go down on him. Mark is watching from the bathroom. Janice tells the man that she’ll be right back. The man sits down on the bed and watches some T.V. Janice walks into the bathroom. this movie is really a must see! 60/100 A first time review from me took me to a movie I knew much about, having played the video game. True Crime Streets OF LA centers around a renegade cop (Dirty Harry style) Nick Kang. Nick Kang played by international film star Chow Yun Fat, as the cop. Chow Yun Fat, I known for revolutionizing cinema, and is the main figure in Hong Kong gangster flicks. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to get it right when coming over to the states. This time was no exception.
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BlackSmith Ritchie Steven DISCLAMER "The Critic's Corner" is a fictional review website from the game "Hollywood: The Game". None of these movies are real and as such, you cannot watch them or purchase them on DVD. Also, we will not release your movie for you or take reviews of actual films. We don't have the power to do so, see? Any use of actors, logos and other names is purely for an entertainment purpose. This is a non-profit webiste and no profit is gained through the use of the names. No copyright infringement is intended. We recognize the original companies as owners of the names. This site and everything you see here is false. It's all lies. Even the things that are true are lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is no. |
