A first look at Plants vs. Zombies

[We open on a beautiful surburban street. Plants, plush bushes and perfectly groomed landscape fill every yard. A rusted tow truck drives down the road and breaks down. Larry the Cable Guy steps out of it and opens the hood. Smoke fills the air. Larry coughs and kicks the front of the car.]

Larry the Cable Guy: Well, that is not gonna Git-R-Done. Or get me to the freaking studio. Not that they'll allow me on the network lot again, after that... incident.

[Larry sits on the hood of the truck.]

Larry the Cable Guy: Welcome to the latest episode of The Hollywood Pit Presents... I'm one of the movie stars that is starring in Plants vs. Zombies for Miracle Pictures. The movie was written by that Phaethon0017 guy, not that the numbers really mean anything. Um... do they? (looks around) Okay. As you already know, I'm in the movie. And I portray me. Yeah, I haven't been typecast or anything. I guess if it Gits-R-Done for the studios, than it is good by me. You see. The rest of the cast includes Shia Lebouf, Megan Fox... yeah, our hot mayor, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and John Di Maggio is PLANT ZERO! Now, I am happy to present a never before seen clip from me movie. It also just so happens to be the only scene we've shot in the film. Enjoy.

* * *

INT. CAR - AFTERNOON
RAY (ShiaLebouf) drives his pickup truck along with LARRY (Larry the Cable Guy) along a peaceful Wisconsin suburb.

RAY
Okay, so I get why you play so much
foosball. You whooped my ass in
that game. But why can’t you drive
your own self home? That’s adding
insult to injury.

LARRY
I dun lost mahkeys. I been tryin’
to find em, but sure if they ain’t
in my Maxim stash and they ain’t in
my NASCAR tape library, and they
ain’t in my butt crack, they ain’t
on this planet.

RAY
Your butt crack? What the hell
would you keep in there?

Larry pulls out a corn cob pipe and sticks it in his mouth.

LARRY
Hmm?

Ray stares at Larry unbelievingly. They reach a stop light.

RAY
So where is this old shed anyway?

LARRY
It ain’t just some old shed. A lot
of memories. Remember that woman
who dun used ta’play Wonder Woman?
Yep. I kept that woman wonderin’
all night long, I tell you what.

RAY
Great. So its a bone shack. Why are
you living in a bone shack? Why are
you bringing me over to a bone
shack?

LARRY
I found some weird stuff in there
last night. A plant that makes
noise.

RAY
A plant that makes noise? What are
you an elephant?

LARRY
Well now, I don’t see what my
weight has to do with this plant.

RAY
No, Horton Hears A - never mind.
I’ve gotta see this for myself. It
better not be a long winded fart
joke, like those musical jumping
beans you showed me when I was a
kid.

LARRY
Now, you was much shorter then. How
was I supposed to know I was
standing in front of a fan?

The light turns green and Ray begins to make a turn, when he hits CZARTIM (John Goodman lol... no, just Czartim as himself) on his bike.

CZARTIM
Hey! Watch where you’re going! I’m
going to Subways to get a chicken
sandwich, with extra chicken, and
extra sandwich. I don’t need anyone
hitting me with their cars thank
you very much.

RAY
Sorry dude. Why don’t you pay
attention to the rules of the road
then?

CZARTIM
For your information, I know the
rules of the road very well, they
just don’t apply because I’m not
from around town. I’m from Russ-

RAY
Dude get out the road!

INT. CABIN - NIGHT
LARRY bars the door behind ARTHUR (Christopher Mintz-Plasse).

RAY
Arthur! What are you doing out
there?

ARTHUR
I was fappingto Rebecca outside of
the window.

REBECCA
Wow? Really? Thanks, that really
boosts a girl’s self confidence.

ARTHUR
No problem, you are hot.

RAY
I know that! But there are zombies
out there!

ARTHUR
Ray, man. I'm the head zombie.

RAY
This is no time for jokes man. It's
not funny.

ARTHUR
I'm serious. Who do you think told
them to attack your roof with the
top access? Me - the lead zombie.

RAY
Prove it.

ARTHUR
Look at all this red stuff on my
lips! Blood and brains!

RAY
You could've done that with a $5
cherry slurpee.

Czartim rides a bike into the front yard and opens their door.

CZARTIM
Oh my God. There are so many
zombies! I was trying to walk my
dog, Mittens, but he got eaten.

Arthur licks his lips.

CZARTIM (CONT’D)
I saw all these weird plants in the
yard, and they let me pass. Thank
God for you! Thank you!

Arthur bites into Czartim's head, eating his brains.

ARTHUR
Do you believe me now?

RAY
Sort of. I’m keeping my distance,
but I still don’t believe you’re
not joking.

 

The movie hits theaters on June 26th, 2009!
Be there... or get your brains eaten by a zombie!